Parental alienation can sometimes go unnoticed by professionals due to the formation of trauma bonds between the abused child and their parent.
In the intricate web of family dynamics, there exists a sinister phenomenon that goes by the name of parental alienation.
This heart-wrenching scenario sees children torn between the love they hold for both parents, and the detrimental impact caused by a manipulative guardian.
Parental alienation inflicts deep emotional wounds on children, leading to a psychological phenomenon known as trauma bonding.
In this article, we delve into the complexities of how parental alienation can enrapture a child into a bond akin to Stockholm Syndrome with their alienating parent.
The Genesis of Trauma Bonding
To comprehend trauma bonding, one must understand the abusive dynamics of parental alienation.
When one parent intentionally manipulates a child into harbouring feelings of resentment, fear, or hostility towards the other parent, a toxic environment is created.
This environment blurs the lines between right and wrong, love and manipulation, leaving children emotionally entangled in a complex web of conflicting emotions.
What is a Trauma Bond?
Trauma bonding is the attachment an abused person feels for their abuser, specifically in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse such as parental alienation.
Contrary to the widely popularized use of the term, trauma bonding does not mean the two people are bonding over shared trauma.
A true trauma bond is created due to a cycle of abuse and positive reinforcement.
Typically each circumstance of abuse, the abuser professes love, regret, and otherwise tries to make the relationship feel safe and needed for the abused person.
However in cases of parental alienation it can be more nuanced than that.
A parent may make a child feel bad about themselves for talking about their other parent and even punish them for doing so, then reward them when they stop.
Similarly an alienating parent may cause severe trauma to a child by preventing them from seeing their other parent so the child will seek comfort from the alienating parent.
The continuous cycle of pain and trauma followed by comfort can cement a trauma bond.
Once a trauma bond is established a child may automatically resist contact with their other parent due to the pain associated with seeing or speaking to them.
This is usually unaccompanied by an unhealthy attachment to the abusive, alienating parent.
The Impact on Children
As the child is subjected to the relentless psychological warfare orchestrated by the alienating parent, they experience a range of conflicting emotions.
The child's innate desire to seek love, approval, and validation from their caregivers becomes skewed as they navigate a minefield of emotional manipulation and coercion.
This leads to the child developing an attachment similar to the syndrome observed in hostages during a traumatic event – Stockholm Syndrome.
Signs of a trauma bond include:
The child may cover up or make excuses to others for their parent’s behaviour.
The child may lie to friends or family about the abuse.
The child may confuse the abuse with love (enneshment).
The child may think the abuse is their fault.
The abuse follows a cycle (i.e., the abuser tries to make up for an abusive incident).
The abuser promises they'll change but they never do.
The abuser controls the victim (i.e., manipulation or gaslighting).
The abuser isolates the victim from friends and family (ie. Parental alienation).
The abuser gets friends and family on their side.
The victim continues to trust the abuser even into adulthood.
Breaking the Chains of Trauma Bonding
The road to recovery for children trapped in a trauma bond due to parental alienation is fraught with challenges.
Recognising the signs of trauma bonding is the first step towards intervention.
Family court systems, mental health professionals, and child advocacy groups play a crucial role in unraveling the complexities of parental alienation and its impact on children.
Sadly not enough professionals are educated on the complexities of parental alienation and the subtleties of trauma bonding.
It’s important that we continue to campaign and educate in order to protect the children at risk of this abuse.
PAPA, Family Law and the Children’s Rights Movement
The prevalence of parental alienation underscores the need for a nuanced understanding of family dynamics within the legal framework.
People Against Parental Alienation, family law, and the children's rights movement are pivotal in ensuring that the voices of children affected by parental alienation are heard and safeguarded.
Through legal advocacy, counselling, and community support, we can strive to break the chains of trauma bonding and provide a safe haven for children caught in the crossfire of parental alienation.
In conclusion, the insidious nature of parental alienation and its impact on children through trauma bonding cannot be understated.
As a society, it is our collective responsibility to advocate for the rights and well-being of children who find themselves embroiled in the emotional turmoil of family discord.
By shedding light on this critical issue, we take a step towards fostering healthier family dynamics and nurturing a generation of emotionally resilient individuals.
Let us stand together in support of children's rights and the sanctity of family law, as we strive to create a safer and more empathetic world for our future generations.
By adhering to the principles of professionalism and compassion, we aim to shed light on the critical issue of parental alienation and its impact on children.
Through education, advocacy, and support, we can pave the way for healing and restoration in families affected by this destructive phenomenon.
Join us at PAPA as we strive to change the world, one child at a time.
In need of help or support?
If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website, completely free.
This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our upcoming Resource Centre, which will include free downloadable guides to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your grandchildren.
We also have a free to use Facebook support group that you can join here.
Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.
If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.
Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.
Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.
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