Why Would a Parent Destroy Their Own Child?
- PAPA
- 1 day ago
- 6 min read
Parental alienation sparks intense emotions for many families.
When parents break apart, children often feel torn between them.
The impact can be heart-breaking, leading to emotional and psychological scars that last long after the divorce or separation.
This article will break down the serious dynamics of parental alienation, the reasons why some parents resort to it, the deep effects it has on children and how it can 'destroy' them.
If you're an alienated parent and need help with your situation then please join PAPA today.
At PAPA we have several free to use support spaces, as well as additional resources available to our Plus members, such as courses, PAPA AI and 1-2-1 help
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation refers to the tactics one parent uses to undermine the relationship between the child and the other parent.
This behaviour can present itself in many ways:
Speaking critically about the other parent in front of the child.
Discouraging visits, phone calls, or any form of communication.
Accusing the other parent of being harmful or uncaring.
Often, these actions are subtle, making it difficult for others to see the manipulation at work.
The result is usually the same: the child feels disconnected from one parent.
Studies suggest that up to 25% of children are affected by some level of parental alienation, leading to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and confusion.
How Parental Alienation Destroys a Child
The impact of parental alienation stretches far and wide.
The consequences on a child's emotional health can be severe and enduring.
Children subjected to these dynamics often experience:
Feelings of Anger: Being caught in the middle can ignite rage at both parents.
Chronic Guilt: Children may feel guilty for loving both parents, leading to significant stress.
Enduring Sadness: The conflict can foster a lingering sense of loss.
As these children mature, they may struggle with building healthy relationships.
Surveys indicate that adults who experienced parental alienation during childhood report 40% higher instances of trust issues in their adult relationships.
In extreme cases, the psychological fallout can resemble PTSD, making it challenging for individuals to cope with everyday social interactions.
What Personality Disorders Are Linked to Alienating Parents?
Certain personality disorders are common among those who engage in parental alienation tactics.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): These parents often act out of self-interest, focusing on their need for admiration. Some studies show that over 25% of high-conflict custody cases involve a parent with NPD, leading them to undermine the other parent's role to maintain a sense of control.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Parents with BPD frequently experience intense emotions. They might alienate their child to cope with abandonment fears. Research suggests that nearly 10% of individuals diagnosed with BPD exhibit alienating behaviour.
Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD): Such individuals often disregard the feelings of others. In family situations, many with APD may see alienating tactics as a way to exert control over their child’s emotional ties. This lack of empathy can severely impact a child’s sense of security and trust.
While not every parent with a personality disorder engages in alienation, the traits associated with these disorders increase the likelihood of such damaging behaviours.
What are the Incentives for Parents to Alienate?
Understanding why some parents choose alienation offers insight into this toxic behaviour.
1. Control and Power:
A primary motivator for alienating parents is a desire for control.
By isolating the child from the other parent, they create dependence.
This dynamic allows the alienating parent to feel more stable during tumultuous times like separation.
2. Revenge or Retribution:
Some parents use alienation as a form of revenge.
When feelings of betrayal arise from a divorce, targeting the child’s relationship with the other parent becomes a way to retaliate.
A survey found that around 40% of alienating parents admitted actions stemming from revenge motives.
3. Financial
Often alienating parents attempt to remove the other parent to ensure they maximise their income from the state via benefit system.
Some alienating parents then use their perceived position as leverage to extort money from the alienated parent via child support.
Sadly some parents prefer to view parenthood as transactional instead of a caring and collaborative effort.
Other Motivating Factors for Parents to Alienate the Other Parent
In addition to personal characteristics and immediate motivations, several factors contribute to a parent’s willingness to alienate.
1. Fear of Loss:
A fear of losing their child can drive a parent to act defensively.
They may convince themselves that fostering hostility toward the other parent secures their position in their child’s life.
This mindset can lead to behaviours that damage the child’s emotional ties to both parents.
2. Desire for Loyalty:
Some parents believe that if a child remains loyal to them, the bond will strengthen.
They may frame the other parent as the enemy to solidify this loyalty.
Research indicates that children who feel pressured to choose sides can experience identity issues as they grow older.
Why Society Must Act Against Alienating Parents
The repercussions of parental alienation extend beyond individual families; they affect society as a whole.
1. Protecting Children’s Rights:
We must advocate for the well-being of children impacted by alienation.
Holding parents accountable for harmful actions is crucial.
Clear consequences for alienating behaviour send a strong message that such actions are unacceptable.
2. Encouraging Healthy Relationships:
Promoting conversations about the consequences of parental alienation fosters healthier parent-child dynamics.
Normalising these discussions can reduce stigma and help families better navigate the complexities of co-parenting.
3. Creating Support Systems:
Addressing parental alienation head-on establishes a foundation for support.
It opens up opportunities for parents to seek help and guidance.
Communities like PAPA can develop resources like counselling and educational programs to promote healthier co-parenting practices.
Moving Forward with Hope
Parental alienation is a complex issue affecting parent-child relationships.
Its emotional and psychological impacts can last into adulthood.
Recognising the dynamics of parental alienation, the traits of alienating parents, their motivations, and the societal duty to address these behaviours is essential.
By promoting children's welfare and dismantling the mindset that enables alienation, we can heal the rifts created by these actions.
Healing and reconnection are possible.
Open dialogue and community support can lead to a better understanding of these intricate issues.
By placing children's emotional and psychological well-being at the forefront, we can work toward brighter futures for generations to come.
In need of help or support?
If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.
This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.
We also have our Facebook support group that you can join here.
Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.
If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.
We are currently prioritising PAPA Plus members due to high demand.
Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.
Become a PAPA Ambassador
If you like our resources, articles and support networks and agree with what we stand for then why not get involved and help us push PAPA further by joining our Ambassador Program?
We would love for you to join us and help spread awareness for parental alienation and all of the dynamics involved so that we can continue to help parents and children towards a better future.
Our Ambassador Program allows you to grow your involvement with the cause by earning points on your membership.
To earn points we have created rewards for actions such as completing one of our courses, booking a case review, or ordering supply.
We will be adding new rewards and actions to our Ambassador Program as we continue to grow our awareness efforts.
We want our members to feel rewarded for their support as we continue to look for new ways to improve the lives of those impacted by parental alienation.
You can also become a PAPA Plus member, which will give you exclusive access to even more help and resources.
Each PAPA Plus membership makes a huge difference to the cause as it really helps us to improve our services and our awareness campaigns.
Proceeds from memberships and supply allow us to push the cause much further towards raising awareness and improving our services and resources so that we can continue to help more and more parents and children.
Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.
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