7 Things You Should Never Say in a Family Court Hearing.

Family court hearings are high-stakes moments where every word counts.

Unlike everyday conversations, what you say in court is recorded, scrutinised, and weighed against legal standards.

Judges do more than just look at facts; they assess your credibility, insight, and the risks involved.

Saying the wrong thing can seriously harm your case, sometimes beyond repair.

This article highlights seven phrases you should never say in a family court hearing and explains why a single sentence has the potential to change everything.

If you are a parent currently going through family court, it is important that you join PAPA Plus and make use of our courses and other resources, including PAPA AI.

If you require direct assistance with your case, you can also book a call or one of our family law workshops with PAPA as a 'Plus' member.

Below are 7 phrases you should avoid in family court proceedings. 

1. “I don’t care what the court thinks”

This phrase immediately signals hostility toward the court’s authority.

Judges see it as a red flag that you might not follow court orders in the future.

It often appears verbatim in judgements, which can damage your credibility permanently.

Why it hurts:

Courts expect parents to cooperate and respect the legal process.

Showing defiance suggests you are unwilling to work within the system, which courts view as a risk to the child’s welfare and the smooth running of proceedings.

Better approach:

Express your concerns calmly and respectfully.

For example, say, “I have concerns about the proposed arrangements, and I would like to discuss them further.”

2. “They’re lying” (without evidence)

Accusing someone of lying without proof raises serious doubts about your insight and emotional control.

This is especially harmful in cases involving allegations, where the court needs clear, objective evidence.

Why it hurts:

Such statements appear emotionally driven rather than focused on the child’s best interests.

Judges want to see parents who can present facts and concerns thoughtfully, not make baseless accusations.

Safer framing:

Instead of accusing, say, “I have concerns about the accuracy of some statements and would like to provide evidence to clarify.”

3. “This is all Cafcass/social services’ fault”

Blaming professionals involved in the case reduces your perceived credibility.

It suggests you cannot reflect on your own role or accept responsibility.

Why it hurts:

Family courts rely heavily on professional assessments.

Dismissing their input outright can make you seem uncooperative and unwilling to engage constructively.

Better way:

Acknowledge the professionals’ role while explaining your perspective.

For example, “I respect the work of Cafcass, but I have some concerns I would like to raise about their assessment.”

4. “My child told me they hate the other parent”

Sharing this phrase can raise serious concerns about emotional pressure or coaching.

Courts are very cautious about parental alienation and want to ensure children’s views are handled carefully.

Why it hurts:

Direct statements like this can trigger suspicion that the child is being influenced or manipulated.

The court prefers to hear children’s views through independent professionals or carefully managed channels.

How to handle it:

Report your child’s feelings indirectly and with care.

For example, “My child has expressed some difficult feelings, and I believe they need support to explore these safely.”

5. “I’ll never agree to that”

Absolute statements signal inflexibility.

Courts favour parents who show willingness to compromise and work toward solutions that benefit the child.

Why it hurts:

Refusing to consider any options can harm your chances of securing contact or shared care arrangements.

Judges want to see parents who prioritise the child’s needs over personal disagreements.

Better phrasing:

Use language that shows openness, such as, “I have concerns about this proposal, but I am willing to discuss alternatives.”

6. “I don’t need legal advice”

This phrase suggests a lack of understanding of the legal process and can undermine your credibility, especially if you are representing yourself.

Why it hurts:

Judges expect parents to be aware of the legal consequences of their actions and statements.

Saying you don’t need advice may make you appear uninformed or dismissive of the court’s seriousness.

What to say instead:

If you are self-represented, acknowledge the complexity by saying, “I am doing my best to understand the process and would appreciate guidance where possible.”

7. “This court is biased/unfair/corrupt”

Accusing the court of bias or unfairness is extremely damaging.

It can provoke judicial warnings or adverse findings against you.

Why it hurts:

Such statements rarely help and often cause irreversible harm to your case.

Courts expect respect for the process, even when you disagree with decisions.

How to express dissatisfaction:

If you feel a decision is unfair, focus on the facts and legal grounds for appeal rather than attacking the court.

For example, “I respectfully disagree with the decision and intend to seek further advice.”

It’s Not What You Mean — It’s What the Family Court Hears

Family court language is strategic, not emotional.

What matters is how your words are interpreted by judges who must make decisions based on the child’s best interests.

Staying calm, reflective, and respectful can make a significant difference.

Avoiding these seven damaging phrases helps you present yourself as a credible, cooperative parent focused on the welfare of your child.

If you are preparing for a family court hearing, think carefully about your language.

Practice framing your concerns clearly and respectfully.

Remember, one sentence can change everything.

Use your words to build your case, not break it.

In need of help or support?

If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.

This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.

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If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.

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