How Alienated Parents are Targets, Not Survivors.

The word survivor carries powerful meaning. It evokes strength, resilience, and the ability to overcome trauma.

In recent years, many domestic abuse groups have embraced the term as a way to empower those who have endured violence or mistreatment.

While this is a positive development for many, the broad and casual use of survivor has created unintended consequences.

One group deeply affected by this shift is alienated parents—those who face the painful reality of being cut off from their children due to parental alienation.

This article explores why alienated parents are often targets rather than survivors, how the misuse of survivor culture harms them and other real victims of abuse, and why using precise language matters when addressing victims’ experiences.

If you're an alienated parent and need help with your situation then you should join PAPA today.

At PAPA we have several free to use support spaces, as well as several additional resources available to our Plus members, such as courses, PAPA AI, 1-2-1 help and workshops on family law and mental health.

Understanding Alienated Parents and Their Struggles

Parental alienation occurs when one parent manipulates a child to reject or avoid the other parent without legitimate justification.

This can happen during or after divorce or separation and often leaves the alienated parent isolated and emotionally devastated.

Alienated parents face:

• Loss of meaningful contact with their children

• Emotional pain and confusion

• Social stigma and misunderstanding

• Legal battles that can be long and exhausting

  
  

Unlike survivors of physical abuse, alienated parents often suffer in silence.

Their pain is less visible, and their experience is frequently dismissed or minimised by society and even some professionals.

Why Alienated Parents Are Targets, Not Survivors

Alienated parents are often targets of emotional and psychological harm rather than survivors of abuse in the traditional sense.

The alienation process is ongoing and deliberate, designed to isolate and undermine the parent-child relationship.

This makes alienated parents victims of a unique form of abuse—one that is subtle, complex, and difficult to prove.

Key reasons alienated parents are targets include:

• Continuous harm: Unlike a single abusive event, alienation is a sustained attack on the parent’s role and identity.

• Lack of recognition: Many people do not recognise parental alienation as a form of abuse, leaving alienated parents without support.

• Emotional manipulation: The alienating parent often controls the narrative, turning the child and others against the alienated parent.

• Legal challenges: Courts may struggle to identify or address alienation, prolonging the parent’s suffering.

  
  

Because alienated parents are still in the midst of harm, calling them survivors can be misleading and dismissive of their ongoing pain.

How the Term Survivor Is Misused by Domestic Abuse Groups

The term survivor originally described individuals who lived through and overcame serious abuse or trauma, such as severe domestic violence, sexual assault, or war.

It honours their courage and recovery journey.

However, in some domestic abuse circles, survivor has become a colloquial label applied broadly to anyone who has experienced any hardship or conflict.

This broad use can cause harm in several ways:

• Dilution of meaning: When survivor is used too loosely, it loses its impact and significance for those who endured severe abuse.

• Exclusion of ongoing victims: People still suffering, like alienated parents, may feel excluded or invalidated because they are not yet survivors.

• Confusion in support services: Agencies may prioritise survivors over those who are targets or currently experiencing abuse, leaving some without help.

• Minimising complex experiences: Alienation and other forms of psychological abuse are often misunderstood or minimized when lumped together with physical abuse under the same label.

  
  

For example, a domestic abuse group might celebrate survivors of physical violence but overlook alienated parents who are trapped in emotional abuse that continues daily.

Why Using the Right Terms Matters for Victims

Language shapes how we understand and respond to trauma.

Using precise terms helps:

• Validate experiences: Accurate language acknowledges the specific pain and challenges victims face.

• Guide appropriate support: Different forms of abuse require different interventions. Clear terms help direct victims to the right resources.

• Raise awareness: Proper terminology educates the public and professionals about less visible forms of abuse like parental alienation.

• Promote healing: Victims who feel understood are more likely to seek help and begin recovery.

  
  

For alienated parents, being called targets or victims rather than survivors reflects their current reality and encourages society to recognise the ongoing nature of their struggle.

Practical Steps to Address the Issue

To improve understanding and support for alienated parents and other victims, certain actions should be considered:

• Educate communities: Raise awareness about parental alienation as a form of abuse distinct from physical violence.

• Use precise language: Encourage domestic abuse groups and media to differentiate between survivors and those still experiencing harm.

• Support legal reform: Advocate for laws that recognise parental alienation and provide remedies for alienated parents.

• Offer tailored services: Develop counselling and support programs specifically for alienated parents.

• Listen to victims: Create safe spaces where alienated parents can share their stories without judgment or dismissal.

  
  

Examples of Misunderstanding and Its Effects

• A mother who alienates the father may be seen as a survivor of a difficult divorce, while the father is ignored as a target of ongoing emotional abuse.

• Support groups focused on survivors of domestic violence may exclude alienated parents because their pain does not fit the typical narrative.

• Courts may fail to act on alienation claims because the language used does not capture the severity of the harm.

  
  

These examples show how language influences recognition and response.

Moving Toward Greater Clarity and Compassion

Recognising alienated parents as targets rather than survivors does not diminish their strength or resilience.

Instead, it highlights the need for ongoing support and intervention.

It also calls on society to broaden its understanding of abuse beyond physical violence.

By using the right terms, we can:

• Honour the experiences of all victims

• Provide better support tailored to different forms of abuse

• Encourage healing and justice for alienated parents

  
  

The misuse of survivor culture risks leaving alienated parents behind.

Clear, respectful language can change that.

In need of help or support?

If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.

This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.

We also have our Facebook support group that you can join here.

Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.

If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.

We are currently prioritising PAPA Plus members due to high demand.

Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.

Become a PAPA Ambassador

If you like our resources, articles and support networks and agree with what we stand for then why not get involved and help us push PAPA further by joining our Ambassador Program?

We would love for you to join us and help spread awareness for parental alienation and all of the dynamics involved so that we can continue to help parents and children towards a better future.

Our Ambassador Program allows you to grow your involvement with the cause by earning points on your membership.

To earn points we have created rewards for actions such as completing one of our courses, booking a case review, or ordering supply.

We will be adding new rewards and actions to our Ambassador Program as we continue to grow our awareness efforts.

We want our members to feel rewarded for their support as we continue to look for new ways to improve the lives of those impacted by parental alienation.

You can also become a PAPA Plus member, which will give you exclusive access to even more help and resources.

Each PAPA Plus membership makes a huge difference to the cause as it really helps us to improve our services and our awareness campaigns.

Proceeds from memberships and supply allow us to push the cause much further towards raising awareness and improving our services and resources so that we can continue to help more and more parents and children.

Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.