How Medicalised Parenting Can Erase the Other Parent.

In some separated families, a child’s health becomes the central focus of parenting.

While advocating for a child’s medical needs is often necessary and appropriate, there is a growing concern about how excessive medicalisation can affect family relationships.

When health concerns dominate parenting decisions, one parent may gradually be pushed out of the child’s life.

This article explores how medicalised parenting can shift from care to control, marginalise one parent, and shape a child’s experience in ways that extend beyond physical health.

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Defining Medicalised Parenting

Medicalised parenting happens when normal childhood distress, unclear symptoms, or manageable health issues are treated as chronic, severe, or high-risk conditions.

Instead of seeing these as part of typical development or minor challenges, the parenting approach becomes focused on constant monitoring, protection, and reliance on medical authority.

For example, a child with occasional stomach aches might be treated as if they have a serious digestive disorder, leading to frequent doctor visits and strict routines.

The parent who takes on this role often builds their identity around being the vigilant protector, always alert to potential health threats.

This approach can be helpful when a child has genuine medical needs, but problems arise when it becomes the only lens through which parenting is viewed.

The child’s everyday experiences and emotional needs may be overshadowed by a focus on illness and risk.

From Care to Control

When one parent assumes exclusive control over health decisions, shared parenting can break down.

The other parent may be portrayed as unsafe, uninformed, or dismissive of the child’s needs.

These claims are often justified by medical reasons, making it difficult to challenge the narrative.

This dynamic can look like:

• One parent scheduling medical appointments without informing the other

• Decisions about treatments or therapies made unilaterally

• Labeling the other parent as a risk to the child’s health

  
  

Over time, this control can erode trust and cooperation between parents.

The excluded parent may feel powerless and frustrated, while the parent in control may believe they are acting in the child’s best interest.

How the Other Parent Is Marginalised

Exclusion often happens through subtle, everyday actions rather than overt conflict.

Some common ways one parent is marginalised include:

• Medical appointments held without the other parent’s knowledge or presence

• Selective sharing of health information, leaving the other parent uninformed

• Health professionals being told the other parent “does not understand” or is “not involved”

• Restrictions on contact or visitation based on alleged health risks

  
  

These actions can become normalised and institutionalised, especially when professionals accept the medical narrative without question.

Over time, the excluded parent’s role in the child’s life diminishes, sometimes without clear legal or social intervention.

The Child’s Experience

Children caught in medicalised parenting dynamics may learn that closeness depends on illness, vulnerability, or compliance.

They might associate love and attention with being sick or fragile rather than feeling secure and resilient.

For example, a child may fear certain environments or the excluded parent because of repeated warnings about health risks.

This fear can shape their identity, making them see themselves as fragile or dependent rather than capable and strong.

This experience can have long-term effects on the child’s emotional wellbeing and their ability to form healthy relationships with both parents.

Overlap With Alienation Dynamics

Medical narratives can sometimes support parental alienation without obvious hostility.

When one parent’s exclusion is framed as protecting the child’s health, it becomes harder to recognise or challenge alienation.

In these cases, the medical story justifies separation and limits contact, even if the excluded parent poses no real risk.

This can create a situation where the child is distanced from one parent under the guise of safety, reinforcing alienation patterns.

Understanding this overlap is important for professionals working with families to avoid unintentionally supporting harmful dynamics.

Systemic Blind Spots

Health and safeguarding systems often prioritise caution and tend to defer to the most anxious or assertive caregiver.

This can create blind spots where relational harm is overlooked because the focus is on physical health risks.

Challenging a medical narrative can feel risky for professionals, especially if it means questioning a parent’s account or decisions.

As a result, exclusionary practices may continue unchecked, and the child’s broader wellbeing may be neglected.

Professionals need training and support to recognise when medical concerns are being used to marginalise a parent and to balance physical health with emotional and relational needs.

Protecting Both Health and Relationships

Protecting a child’s health must also mean protecting their relationships.

When medical narratives erase a parent, the harm goes beyond illness and affects the child’s long-term wellbeing.

Families, professionals, and courts should:

• Encourage open communication and shared decision-making between parents

• Ensure both parents have access to medical information and appointments

• Recognise the signs of exclusion and address them early

• Balance medical caution with the child’s emotional and relational needs

  
  

By doing so, children can benefit from both appropriate medical care and strong, supportive relationships with both parents.

In need of help or support?

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