Some parents are dying to see their children.

Parental Alienation has claimed the lives of too many parents already and it's time something is done about it.

This is not a subject I (or I'm sure anyone else) likes to write about but it's a subject that really needs addressing and that's the unnecessary deaths of many parents experiencing parental alienation and/or embroiled in custody battles through the family court.

I had already planned to write an article on this matter but what prompted me to do so today was a recent post I made on Facebook and Instagram that was removed, along with a message threatening to suspend my accounts over what it depicts. Not only this but I received many messages from PAPA members who had also been threatened by Facebook/Instagram because they tried to share the meme I posted.

Below is the meme:

Now, I know it's a shocking image because of what it depicts but the context is very clear and it illustrates something that is actually happening.

For people to really start taking notice and the people in positions to make the changes to take notice, then we need to shock them, we need them to be appalled by what they are seeing so that they make steps to avoid it happening in the future.

So it's safe to say I'm both disappointed and frustrated by the censorship on both Facebook and Instagram to actually remove the posts and prevent anyone from sharing it. Especially given some of the content that is allowed on the platform.

Suicide is something that should be actively discouraged but by removing posts raising awareness for it we are essentially removing it from the conversation altogether. To address suicide we need to be able to talk about it and the causes,.

Sweeping it under the rug serves to help no one.

Luckily I'm not entirely reliant on social media and have built my own platform so that I can address such issues without worrying about censorship.

Why are parents dying?

It's important to note that it's not just parental alienation induced suicide that's at play here, there are many parents who have also committed suicide after being chased by the CMS (formerly known as CSA) for child support payments they can't afford.

Of course it can be argued that state ordered child support is only at play in cases of parental alienation as nearly all parents prefer an equal parenting arrangement - but for the purpose of this article I'll refrain from addressing that particular point.

There are also countless altercations as a result of the inadequacy of the family court; some of which have sadly resulted in murder.

For anyone who's not aware of the CMS; they are the Child Maintenance Service in the UK and are perhaps considered the UK's biggest scandal, as highlighted recently by Ann Widecombe in the Daily Express. They are responsible for more parental suicides than I have space to list as well as jail terms for "non complying" parents, who of course have no way to comply as their demands are often over inflated and even fictitious.

I will be expanding on the above in a future article that will also look at what Ann Widecombe has reported on in the Daily Express.

It's almost as if they renamed themselves (from CSA to CMS) in order to shed their terrible reputation for being unfair and unjust but instead they've carried on in the same vain.

An example of this is Ian Sandywell, who committed suicide after being harassed by the CSA for back payments they said he owed, of over £11,000. His son was 22 years old at the time. Sadly, Ian was unable to reason with the CSA over his financial situation, as he explained to them he would need to re-mortgage his home in order to afford the £520 per month they were demanding. Instead, the CSA threatened to keep increasing the arrears so Ian decided his only way out was suicide.

There are many more examples, which I will be going into more detail on in a future article. Of course the OCSE (Office of Child Support Enforcement) in the United States are just as bad, with many of our US based PAPA members writing in with their scandalous stories.

Then we have so many cases of murders of loving parents as a result of custody altercations. What's more alarming is that I don't even need to look further than 30 miles away from where I live to find two high profile murders in the local area, that were both fuelled by emotions over child custody.

One of the murders was of Nigel Ebbage by Lance Woolard, who stabbed Nigel 21 times in a frenzied attack at his home in Wimblington, Cambridgeshire in April 2021. The killing followed a long-running custody battle over the two children Mr Ebbage had with Woolard's daughter, Helen. Mr Ebbage had an upcoming hearing to gain a shared parenting arrangement and Mr Woolard admitted to being worried Mr Ebbage would "win" so he took matters into his own hands and ended Mr Ebbage's life. Nigel's children are now without a father who loved and cared for them and fought for them until the end. You can read more on this story here.

Then there's an even more recent case from March 2023 of the double murder of Joshua Dunmore and his father Gary Dunmore by Stephen Alderton, the father of Samantha who was Joshua's ex-girlfriend. Both Joshua and his father lost their lives after Mr Alderton took it upon himself to shoot them in two separate incidents on the same night around 35 minutes and 6 miles apart. The double murder was following an ongoing court case as Samantha was trying to relocate with their shared child to the United States and sought permission from the family court after Joshua opposed the application, as any loving father would do. The court's decision was that the child would not be removed from the jurisdiction and should remain in the UK in order to stay close to their father. Which has to be said was the correct decision as once you have a child it's the parents responsibility to put their own wants and needs aside in the best interest of the child(ren). Sadly, Mr Alderton was not willing to respect the court's decision so instead decided to take the lives of two innocent men in order to facilitate his daughters move abroad. You can read more on this story here.

The above stories are made even sadder to know that both Nigel and Joshua were members of PAPA so on a personal note, I wish I could have done more to prevent what has happened to them.

What can be done?

Firstly, it's important we continue to talk about the ongoing issues with parental alienation, suicide, the CMS and family court etc. No matter how much they try to censor us, we will not be silenced and we need to continue to work together to spread awareness on these important issues.

I will be addressing the CMS and the family court system in more depth in future articles but it's clear that we need to pressure them to make the changes needed to avoid the countless deaths they have caused by their inadequacies.

It's quite clear in both Mr Ebbage's and Mr Dunmore's cases that their opposition did not respect the family court's decisions. While their murderers may be serving lengthy jail sentences, it doesn't seem like that was enough of a deterrent.

It seems in these two cases that the family court was actually working in the best interests of the children so it's hard to argue with that but neither Mr Ebbage or Mr Dunmore should have been fighting in the first place.

So it stands to reason that there needs to be a better framework that ensures that a shared arrangement is the default position when a couple separates. Which would include punishments for not respecting a shared arrangement from the get-go as well as the need for both parents to sign an application to move a child away from the other parent when a shared arrangement is in place.

I will be looking at what implementations can be made to improve outcomes in future articles.

Where can I get help?

The above referenced cases are of course extreme situations that we are working hard to avoid in the future by supporting our members through the processes as well as putting pressure on organisations and individuals to make the changes required.

No matter what stage you are in currently, you can get free support from our community at PAPA by either joining here on or website or by joining our Facebook support group. PAPA is open to anyone, with thousands of members worldwide.

We are also soon to be launching our free legal and mental health resources, available exclusively here on our website to all PAPA members.