Stop Telling Alienated Parents to "Just Move On."

When someone tells an alienated parent to “just move on,” it often feels like a sharp dismissal rather than comfort.

This phrase overlooks a painful truth: you don’t move on from your child.

For parents facing alienation, the loss is unlike any other.

It is not a closed chapter or a past event.

Instead, it is an ongoing struggle with a child who is alive but emotionally distant, unreachable, and often silenced.

This article explores why the common advice to move on misunderstands the nature of grief and parental attachment in cases of alienation.

If you're an alienated parent and need help with your situation then you should join PAPA today.

At PAPA we have several free to use support spaces, as well as several additional resources available to our Plus members, such as courses, PAPA AI, 1-2-1 help and workshops on family law and mental health.

Why Alienation Is Not Like Other Losses

Losing a child to alienation is not the same as losing a job, ending a relationship, or finishing a chapter in life.

Those losses have clear endings and allow for closure.

Alienation is different because the child is still alive and growing, yet psychologically absent from the parent’s life.

The grief alienated parents experience is ongoing and ambiguous.

It resurfaces during milestones like birthdays, holidays, and graduations; moments meant to be shared but instead marked by silence or rejection.

This kind of loss is not a one-time event but a continuous emotional wound that reopens repeatedly.

How “Moving On” Becomes a Form of Gaslighting

When people tell alienated parents to move on, they imply the parent is choosing to suffer.

This suggestion is not only unfair but also harmful.

It reframes the parent’s love and persistence as a problem or pathology rather than a natural response to trauma.

This phrase also shifts responsibility away from the alienating behaviours and the systems that fail to protect the parent-child relationship.

It ignores the fact that the pain is caused by external forces, not by the parent’s inability to let go.

The Double Bind Alienated Parents Face

Alienated parents live in a no-win situation.

If they fight for their child, they are often labelled “obsessive” or “high conflict.”

If they step back, they are accused of “not trying hard enough.”

This double bind means parents are judged no matter what they do.

This judgement adds another layer of pain and isolation.

It discourages parents from seeking help or speaking out, reinforcing the silence that alienation creates.

What Alienated Parents Are Actually Doing

Alienated parents are not giving up.

They are surviving prolonged trauma while trying to stay emotionally available to their child.

They balance hope with realism and presence with restraint.

Choosing not to disappear, even when erased from their child’s life, shows strength and resilience.

It reflects a deep commitment to love and connection, despite the barriers.

What Support Should Really Look Like

Support for alienated parents requires more than quick fixes or platitudes.

It means:

• Listening without rushing to resolve the pain

• Acknowledging the injustice without demanding forced acceptance

• Supporting strategies that protect mental health and preserve the parent-child bond

  
  

This kind of support respects the complexity of alienation and the ongoing nature of the grief involved.

A Better Question to Ask

Instead of asking, “Why can’t you move on?” a more helpful question is, “How can we stop pretending this is normal?”

This shifts the focus from blaming the parent to recognising the problem as a collective issue.

By holding alienation and the systems that allow it accountable, society can begin to create real change and support for families affected by this painful reality.

Love Is Not a Phase

Alienated parents do not need permission to keep loving their children.

They do not need to move on; they need recognition, protection, and change.

Refusing to forget a child is not a problem.

It is proof that the parent is still present, still fighting, and still loving.

This love is not a phase or a choice; it is a fundamental part of being a parent.

In need of help or support?

If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.

This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.

We also have our Facebook support group that you can join here.

Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.

If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.

We are currently prioritising PAPA Plus members due to high demand.

Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.

Become a PAPA Ambassador

If you like our resources, articles and support networks and agree with what we stand for then why not get involved and help us push PAPA further by joining our Ambassador Program?

We would love for you to join us and help spread awareness for parental alienation and all of the dynamics involved so that we can continue to help parents and children towards a better future.

Our Ambassador Program allows you to grow your involvement with the cause by earning points on your membership.

To earn points we have created rewards for actions such as completing one of our courses, booking a case review, or ordering supply.

We will be adding new rewards and actions to our Ambassador Program as we continue to grow our awareness efforts.

We want our members to feel rewarded for their support as we continue to look for new ways to improve the lives of those impacted by parental alienation.

You can also become a PAPA Plus member, which will give you exclusive access to even more help and resources.

Each PAPA Plus membership makes a huge difference to the cause as it really helps us to improve our services and our awareness campaigns.

Proceeds from memberships and supply allow us to push the cause much further towards raising awareness and improving our services and resources so that we can continue to help more and more parents and children.

Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.