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  • Writer's picturePAPA

Tears wash away lost years.

How many more years and lives need to be lost in order for us to take proper action against parental alienation?

Recently a member of PAPA reached out to me personally about their personal situation but also about some ideas they have to assist with the movement. One of the ideas we spoke about is to become an upcoming campaign and it got me thinking about a piece I wrote a few years back titled "Lost Years".

It's unquantifiable just how many years and lives have been lost as a result of parental alienation. Hearing of PA induced suicide is sadly not out of the ordinary and what about all of the time victims of PA miss out on? Both children and parents are robbed of time with a loved one on a daily basis. Nothing can ever get that back.

I'm lucky in that I wasn't robbed of "too much" time for "too long" but those times were extremely hard to get through, who knows how much more it would have taken for me to become another "statistic". Now, I don't say this lightly. I spent the best part of 6 months in therapy dealing with the psychological damage of not being able to have the contact with my son we both desperately wanted and needed.

What if I couldn't have afforded therapy? What would I have done to cope? A lot of parents do not have the means to go to therapy, some of which will be because of extortionate court/legal fees to try and regain contact with their children. What do these parents do? These parents need more options, not just from a legal perspective but also from a support perspective.

Which is why I founded PAPA in the first place, to help support as many parents as possible through the trauma of PA and the legal process. However PA is an epidemic that affects millions of people worldwide, PAPA does not have the means to support this many people which is why we need better legal framework and better support for families.

I still feel down sometimes when I think about the time I had to fight for, the time that I missed out on but I also feel an element of guilt when I indulge these thoughts because I am fortunate to have equal custody. There are millions of parents and children suffering and losing more time than I did. I never stop thinking about all of these people and neither should you. Being alienated from the person you love and care about the most in the world is the one of the most painful experiences a person can have.

There are children out there who are growing up not knowing they have another half of them, a whole side of family that love and care about them. How do we think these children are going to adjust when they eventually find out? I still haven't fully recovered from my experiences and my childhood was trauma free so what chance are we giving these children going into adulthood. I've seen first hand the detrimental impact it can have on not only while they're children but also into adulthood.

We need to raise more awareness to the memories, the moments, the years that are lost on a daily basis at the hands of PA. We need to raise awareness to the severe psychological impact PA has on both children and adults. It's our responsibility as a society to do better for our children and their parents who love them.

I hope to see a lot of you supporting our upcoming campaign tentatively titled the "Lost Years Campaign" and help us to reunite parents and children worldwide.

The (Lost Years) piece is something I used to recite at open mic nights in Cambridge and is something I recorded as a track, which I may or may not release in the future. I found writing a great cathartic release. The words I wrote are below, I hope you enjoy:

Her tears wash away lost years

Her tears wash away lost years

Her tears, they wash away lost years

Born into war

It's not life anymore

Too young to know the score

Too old when it came to fore

Thinking of lost years

Crying uncaptured tears

Every year living half a life

Can't be given as half a wife

Future made uncertain

No sides to the curtain

Imagine having to search for your identity

How a woman is meant to be

Spreading pain you feel so proud

Can't hear her screams no matter how loud

You protected yourself at what cost?

Your baby girl, she was born lost

His tears wash away lost years

His tears wash away lost years

His tears, they wash away lost years

So many wounds to address

Pen bleeding on the test

Bandaged up all over like a mummy

Maybe if he was he'd have his rights

Instead he's losing everything from the fights

All you see is what is now broken

A nightmare that can't be woken

Stole a second chance at a new life

Dreading occasions is now rife

Very little left behind the façade

When you've failed you fail to try hard

I see an empty shell of what used to be

I see in him what I feel in me

Take away the purpose, give him the pain

Winning battles is yours to gain

You don't care what he's been through

Or your daughter with a father she never knew

Can you rest easy when you're in bed?

Knowing your baby girl's father is now dead.

Written and performed by Simon Cobb, founder of PAPA.

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