The Dangers of Cherry-Picking Domestic Abuse.
- PAPA
- Oct 22, 2025
- 6 min read
Domestic abuse is a significant issue affecting families across the world, often resulting in long-lasting trauma.
Family courts tend to emphasise particular types of abuse, such as physical violence, while neglecting others, including parental alienation.
This selective focus is problematic and can lead to devastating consequences for families involved in custody disputes.
This article examines the dangers of cherry-picking types of domestic abuse in family courts, explores the motives behind this focus, and highlights the urgent need to treat parental alienation more seriously.
If you're an alienated parent and need help with your situation then you should join PAPA today.
At PAPA we have several free to use support spaces, as well as several additional resources available to our Plus members, such as courses, PAPA AI, 1-2-1 help and workshops on family law and mental health.
Understanding Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse includes a broad range of behaviours that inflict physical, emotional, or psychological harm on a family member or partner.
While physical violence is the most recognised form, domestic abuse can also encompass:
Emotional abuse: This might include manipulation, humiliation, or threats.
Financial control: One partner may restrict access to money to gain power over the other.
Coercive control: This involves manipulating a partner’s freedom, restricting their movements, and controlling aspects of their life.
According to the Office for National Statistics, in the year ending March 2020, approximately 2.3 million adults experienced domestic abuse in England and Wales.
This staggering figure highlights the scope of the issue, emphasising that various forms of abuse deserve equal attention.
The Problem of Cherry-Picking Abuse Types
In family court settings, certain types of abuse are often prioritised over others.
For instance, physical violence is more evident and easier to prove, which means victims of emotional or psychological abuse might struggle to gain the recognition they deserve.
This selective approach can be harmful.
When specific forms of abuse, like emotional manipulation, are downplayed, victims may feel powerless and unsupported.
For example, a parent facing emotional abuse might not receive protective measures or acknowledgment as readily as someone with visible physical injuries, despite the emotional suffering being potentially just as severe.
The Impact on Victims and Families
The consequences of failing to recognise all forms of abuse can be far-reaching.
Victims overlooked by the legal system often experience feelings of invalidation and distress.
In custody disputes, improper recognition of abuse could lead to decisions detrimental to the child's welfare and the rights of the non-abusive parent.
Parental alienation illustrates this point effectively.
It involves one parent actively sabotaging the relationship between their child and the other parent, often employing manipulation and deceit.
According to a study published in the International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family, about 40% of children in high-conflict custody situations reported feeling pressured to reject the non-custodial parent due to one parent's influence.
The Importance of Recognising Parental Alienation
Parental alienation is a profound form of emotional harm that can have serious repercussions for children.
Research indicates that children affected by parental alienation are at increased risk for mental health issues, including anxiety and depression.
Despite this, many family courts tend to underestimate its seriousness.
Acknowledging parental alienation as a critical issue serves several purposes:
Child Welfare: Prioritising the child's well-being should guide custody disputes. Ignoring parental alienation can hinder healthy emotional and psychological development.
Equal Treatment: All abuse forms deserve serious consideration. Recognising parental alienation ensures victims receive necessary support and validation.
Legal Accountability: When courts treat parental alienation as abuse, it can lead to consequences for the offending parent, promoting healthier co-parenting dynamics.
The Role of Family Courts
Family courts are vital to protecting victims of domestic abuse, but often they overlook the full spectrum of harm.
Judges and legal professionals should be better equipped to recognise various abuse forms, including parental alienation.
Training and resources for family court personnel are essential.
This training should highlight recognising parental alienation signs and understanding its effects on children.
With increased knowledge, family courts can enhance their capacity to protect all victims effectively.
The Need for Policy Change
Addressing the issue of cherry-picking abuse types requires meaningful policy change, including:
Comprehensive Definitions: Expanding legal definitions of domestic abuse to encompass all forms, including emotional and psychological abuse, is essential for comprehensive victim support.
Training for Legal Professionals: Mandating ongoing training for judges, lawyers, and social workers can enhance awareness of diverse domestic abuse realities and the critical need to recognise them.
Support Services: Investing in support services for all abuse victims, including access to counselling and legal aid, will empower individuals affected by abuse to seek the help they need.
The Role of Society
Family courts alone cannot resolve domestic abuse issues; society must also play a part.
Raising awareness about different abuse forms and actively supporting victims can help build a more informed community.
Schools and organisations can educate the public about domestic abuse signs, and it is critical to challenge stigmas surrounding emotional abuse and parental alienation.
Creating a culture where every abuse form is treated seriously will foster accountability for aggressors and support for victims.
Moving Toward a Safer Future
The dangers of cherry-picking abuse types in family courts are significant.
By focusing on specific forms of abuse while neglecting others, we risk the experiences of countless victims and the welfare of children involved.
The issue of parental alienation, in particular, warrants equal acknowledgment due to its prevalence and impact on children's lives.
Family courts, legal professionals, and society must recognise the full range of domestic abuse and strive for a system that offers consistent support and protection for all victims.
This commitment will lead to healthier family dynamics and ensure the well-being of children is prioritised.
The time for meaningful change is upon us.
Together, we can create a family court system that fully recognises each victim's story and addresses every type of abuse with the seriousness it deserves.
In need of help or support?
If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.
This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.
We also have our Facebook support group that you can join here.
Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.
If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.
We are currently prioritising PAPA Plus members due to high demand.
Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.
Become a PAPA Ambassador
If you like our resources, articles and support networks and agree with what we stand for then why not get involved and help us push PAPA further by joining our Ambassador Program?
We would love for you to join us and help spread awareness for parental alienation and all of the dynamics involved so that we can continue to help parents and children towards a better future.
Our Ambassador Program allows you to grow your involvement with the cause by earning points on your membership.
To earn points we have created rewards for actions such as completing one of our courses, booking a case review, or ordering supply.
We will be adding new rewards and actions to our Ambassador Program as we continue to grow our awareness efforts.
We want our members to feel rewarded for their support as we continue to look for new ways to improve the lives of those impacted by parental alienation.
You can also become a PAPA Plus member, which will give you exclusive access to even more help and resources.
Each PAPA Plus membership makes a huge difference to the cause as it really helps us to improve our services and our awareness campaigns.
Proceeds from memberships and supply allow us to push the cause much further towards raising awareness and improving our services and resources so that we can continue to help more and more parents and children.
Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.
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