Main parent to Zero contact!
Hi everyone, I’m new here and wanted to share what I’m currently going through.
I have two daughters, aged 4 and 1. I’ve always been heavily involved in their care, including being a stay-at-home dad for a period. After separation I moved into my own place in January and, for around 8 months, we had an established arrangement where the girls spent 4 nights a week with me and 3 with their mum.
On 1 August I asked their mum for £350 a month child maintenance. The CMS calculator suggested considerably more, but I thought £350 was fair. When we couldn’t agree, I eventually went through CMS.
Since around that period, things have deteriorated badly. I can’t prove the maintenance issue caused what followed, but the timing worries me.
Their mum has now stopped all normal unsupervised contact, saying she has concerns about the girls’ emotional wellbeing and safety. I have repeatedly asked what the specific safeguarding concern is that means I can no longer care for my own daughters normally, but I still haven’t been given a clear explanation.
Her position is currently that I can only see them through supervised contact at a family contact centre. I do not agree that supervision has been shown to be necessary. There has been no court finding, Cafcass assessment or Children’s Services finding saying I am a risk to my girls.
I’ve now gone around 3 weeks without seeing them in person. I finally had a video call with my eldest recently. I held myself together while speaking to her, but completely broke down once the call ended. I just miss my girls desperately.
Mediation isn’t until 21 October, and that is only mediation — it doesn’t mean I automatically see my children again then.
I’m now looking at making a C100 application for a Child Arrangements Order and asking the court to consider interim arrangements. My aim is a genuine shared-care arrangement, not to remove the girls from their mum.
Their mum also recently reported to CMS that she was now the main carer. I explained that the change was not agreed and that my normal care had been stopped by her. CMS rejected the reported change and kept the existing maintenance position.
This whole situation has had a massive impact on my mental health, but I’m trying to deal with it properly: mediation, legal advice, mental-health support and the court process if necessary.
I just want to be able to hold my daughters again and continue being the dad I’ve always been.
If anyone here has been through sudden loss of contact after previously having substantial shared care, I’d really appreciate hearing how you handled it and what eventually helped.