Human Cost of Parent Alienation
I am willing, AND NEED, to tell the whole story—the good, the bad and the ugly.
I divorced my older son’s father nearly 15 years ago. What began as a divorce and an attempt to co-parent eventually evolved into years of conflict, estrangement and family-court litigation. Over time, my relationship with my son deteriorated to the point where I have barely seen him for years, despite wanting a relationship with him and continuing to fight for one. My son's estrangement started when my ex and his also narcissistic wife, told my son its better not to talk to me until the court battle is over!!!! My 5-year-old misses his brother, doesn't understand why he is not around. I have missed his entire college baseball career, his 21st birthday and college graduation. If it wasn't for my little boy - I would not be here. No mother (parent) should have to endure this pain.
The situation eventually became much bigger than simply losing my relationship with my child. I became involved in years of court proceedings, allegations, repeated motion abuse and financial disputes, including litigation surrounding college expenses that I maintain I was never properly allowed to be involved in. There were periods when I had no attorney and had to represent myself. Ultimately, I experienced a period of home incarceration as a result of the legal battle.
And the battle is nowhere near over.
I have another hearing coming up in January, and I currently have no legal representation. People who had promised to help me obtain a new attorney are no longer able to do so. I am facing the possibility of being held in contempt and potentially incarcerated again—not because I am refusing to work or refusing to support myself, but because I simply cannot afford what is being demanded of me. In August of 2024, I was placed on 6 MONTHS of HIP ( that is longer than some criminal manslaughter and drug trafficking convictions/charges that were given at the same time as my civil charge. I was placed on home incarceration for 6 months with ONLY work release. No grocery stores, no Halloween with my then 3-year-old, no Thanksgiving or Christmas with family at someone's house, and no 4th Birthday party for my youngest at his favorite place at that time - ALL DUE TO COLLEGE TUITION and all because of a covert narcissist that would not allow me to be a part of my son's college visits, never involved me in the financial planning - what I could afford and what I was happily willing to do. NOPE! He strategically planned this - waited exactly 30 days after school started and sent me an email for $10,000, when I emailed back NO, he then had an attorney send me legal papers for a lawsuit. At this time, roughly 4+ years later, the lawsuit is up to $66,000 ( $only $22,000 is college) - and most is his legal fees that they request I pay ay 12% interest! This is litigation abuse and will not stop until I am in the ground.
The financial demands have become frightening. I feel as though the expectation is that I continue paying until there is nothing left, potentially requiring me to work a third job just to meet an obligation I cannot realistically afford. I cannot spend the rest of my life working simply to hand over money I don’t have while watching everything I have rebuilt disappear.
What has made the situation even more complicated is something I only recently became aware of. My former husband is represented by the same high-profile attorney who is representing the 18-year-old son of a former Kentucky governor in a major custody battle. My former husband has maintained that he does not have significant financial resources, yet he is pursuing me for college expenses while being represented by an attorney with such a high-profile client. I cannot help but question how that representation is being financed and how it makes sense that I am being pursued for money I genuinely cannot afford to pay.
I am not claiming that the attorney’s representation of both individuals proves anything improper. What I am saying is that, as someone who is being told I may have to pay money I simply do not have—and who may face contempt or incarceration if I cannot—I find the situation deeply confusing and concerning. It is one of the many questions surrounding this case that I would like the opportunity to have investigated and understood.
The consequences have followed me into every part of my life. I lost a career I had spent roughly two decades building in banking, experienced severe financial hardship, and ultimately filed bankruptcy after losing my employment and dealing with the financial fallout. I experienced tremendous emotional loss and, at some of my lowest points, the pain became so overwhelming that I considered and attempted to harm myself. That is difficult to say publicly, but it is part of my story and part of the reality of what this experience did to me.
At the same time, I was trying to continue living, working and raising my younger son. Today, I am 48 years old and rebuilding my career in banking while raising my five-year-old son. I have worked incredibly hard to rebuild my financial stability, my career, my home and my sense of self. But rebuilding does not erase what happened. I still live with the consequences of years of litigation, estrangement and the loss of precious years with my older son that I can never get back.
And now I am terrified that the same system that has already taken so much from me will take away my ability to be the mother my younger son deserves. I want to be able to take him on vacation. I want to make memories with him. I want to be present for his childhood instead of working every available hour of my life to satisfy a financial obligation I cannot afford. I have already lost years with one child. I refuse to lose my ability to live and make memories with the child who is still here with me.
I want to participate because I don’t want parental alienation portrayed as simply a custody dispute or two parents who couldn’t get along. I want people to see what happens to the person living through it—the financial consequences, the loss of a career, the emotional devastation, the effect on other family relationships, the impact on mental health, and the way years of fighting can change the trajectory of an entire woman’s life.
I am willing to be completely honest about my own mistakes, the decisions I would make differently, the things I regret, the things I still don’t understand, and the things I believe were done to me. I don’t want to present myself as perfect or as the victim in every circumstance. I want to tell the truth about what happened and what it has cost me.
Most importantly, I want people to understand that when a mother loses a relationship with her child, she doesn’t simply lose that relationship. Sometimes she loses years of her life trying to get it back—and the damage can reach far beyond the courtroom.
My story is not finished. The court battle is still happening, the financial consequences are still happening, and I am still fighting to rebuild my life while trying to protect the childhood and future of the five-year-old who depends on me.
Lindsay H.