10 Excuses Alienating Parents Use to Try Justify their Behaviour.

Parental alienation disrupts families and deeply affects children.

It's a process where one parent influences a child to reject the other parent, causing emotional pain and long-term psychological damage.

While the impact of parental alienation can be profound, some parents cling to a range of excuses to justify their harmful behaviour.

This article will explore ten of these excuses and explain why they are unacceptable.

If you're an alienated parent and need help with your situation then you should join PAPA today.

At PAPA we have several free to use support spaces, as well as additional resources available to our Plus members, such as courses, PAPA AI, support sessions and 1-2-1 help.

Understanding Parental Alienation

Parental alienation can take various forms, including speaking negatively about the other parent, limiting visits, or making false claims to sabotage the child's relationship with them.

These toxic behaviours lead to distress for children and the targeted parent.

According to a study by the American Psychological Association, children who are subjected to parental alienation often report higher levels of anxiety and depression.

These conflicts may spring from unresolved disputes, past grievances, or a desire to control the situation.

Regardless of the underlying issues, the excuses used to justify alienation are fundamentally misguided.

Excuse 1: "I’m Protecting My Child"

Many parents argue that alienating the other parent is necessary to protect their child from danger.

They might believe they are safeguarding their child from emotional or physical harm.

However, research indicates that children fare better when they maintain relationships with both parents.

A survey by the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage found that children with engaged fathers showed a 25% increase in self-esteem and improved academic performance.

Oftentimes, the targeted parent does not pose a genuine threat, and the alienating parent’s fears stem from their own insecurities.

Excuse 2: "The Other Parent is Unfit"

Labelling the other parent as unfit is another common excuse.

This can create a dangerous justification for alienation.

Such claims need evidence; accusations made without basis can spiral into costly legal battles and emotional distress.

In fact, studies show that parental disputes over custody can lead to lengthy court cases, with an average time frame of 18 months.

If a parent has legitimate concerns about the other's behaviour, those concerns should be addressed through proper channels instead of through alienation.

Excuse 3: "I’m Just Following the Court’s Orders"

Some parents believe they are justified in alienating the other parent by claiming they are merely obeying a court order.

Unfortunately, this reasoning often misrepresents the spirit of those orders.

Custody arrangements typically aim to ensure a child's well-being, which includes nurturing a relationship with both parents.

Court orders tend to outline a minimum standard of contact for parents and children, with a heavy emphasis on parents putting their differences aside in order to support the child.

Misinterpreting or selectively adhering to these orders can exacerbate conflicts.

Reports indicate that family courts generally favour joint and equal custody arrangements, understanding the importance of having both parents involved in a child's life.

Excuse 4: "I’m Just Trying to Help My Child Cope"

Another excuse used is the belief that alienating the other parent helps children deal with the emotional upheaval that comes with separation or divorce.

Some parents convince themselves they are shielding their child from negativity.

This approach is misguided.

Children need to know they can express feelings about both parents without fear.

Research shows that children who maintain healthy relationships with both parents are less likely to experience emotional difficulties.

Instead of aiding in coping, alienation can lead to increased anxiety and confusion.

Excuse 5: "I’m the Better Parent"

Some parents justify alienation by claiming they provide a better environment for their child.

This competitive mindset can poison co-parenting relationships.

In reality, children benefit from engagement with both parents, regardless of individual parenting styles.

Studies show that children are more emotionally stable when both parents are involved.

Rather than competing, parents should collaborate to create a supportive environment for their child.

Excuse 6: "I’m Just Trying to Protect Myself"

Coming from a place of self-defence, some parents believe that alienating the other parent is their only option for protection.

While self-preservation is important, it should not jeopardise the child’s relationship with the other parent.

Seeking support from family, friends, or therapists can help parents deal with personal fears without resorting to manipulation.

Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial, and can often be accomplished with the help of professionals.

Excuse 7: "I’m Just Trying to Get Back at Them"

Revenge often drives parental alienation, especially when unresolved issues or betrayals linger.

Some parents may think they are justified in using their child as a means to hurt the other parent.

Although this may provide short-term satisfaction, it can result in long-lasting emotional harm to the child.

Using children as pawns in disputes can lead to guilt and confusion.

Children who are caught in such conflicts may fare poorly in relationships later in life, with studies indicating that they can carry these emotional scars for years.

Excuse 8: "I’m Just Trying to Keep the Peace"

Some parents believe that by alienating the other parent, they will create a harmonious environment for the child.

They may think that eliminating the other parent will ease tensions.

This mindset often backfires.

Children are perceptive and frequently sense underlying tensions, leading to feelings of distrust and anxiety.

Research indicates that a cooperative parenting approach is more effective in cultivating a peaceful and nurturing environment for children.

Excuse 9: "I’m Just Following My Instincts"

Reliance on instincts is common among parents who alienate, with some believing that their gut feelings provide sufficient justification.

While intuition can be helpful, it should not be the sole basis for essential decisions that affect a child's well-being.

Parents should seek objective advice and consider their child's perspective instead of relying on emotions or past experiences, which may cloud their judgment.

Excuse 10: "I’m Just Trying to Protect My Child’s Future"

Finally, some parents argue that alienating the other parent is for the child's future benefit.

They assume that limiting contact will lead to greater opportunities.

This notion is fundamentally flawed.

Children prosper from diverse experiences and relationships.

Research shows that children whose parents encourage relationships with both sides of the family are more adaptable and resilient.

Prioritising the child's emotional health now is crucial for ensuring their future success.

Moving Forward with Understanding of Alienating Parents

Parental alienation is a serious concern that can cause harm to families and children.

The excuses used by parents to justify their actions often stem from unresolved conflicts and fears.

Recognising these justifications is the first step toward healthier co-parenting relationships.

Prioritising open communication and focusing on the best interests of the child is vital for navigating these complex situations.

By understanding the implications of their actions, parents can foster love, connection, and support, ultimately benefiting their children and preserving family bonds.

In need of help or support?

If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.

This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.

We also have our Facebook support group that you can join here.

Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.

If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.

We are currently prioritising PAPA Plus members due to high demand.

Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.

Become a PAPA Ambassador

If you like our resources, articles and support networks and agree with what we stand for then why not get involved and help us push PAPA further by joining our Ambassador Program?

We would love for you to join us and help spread awareness for parental alienation and all of the dynamics involved so that we can continue to help parents and children towards a better future.

Our Ambassador Program allows you to grow your involvement with the cause by earning points on your membership.

To earn points we have created rewards for actions such as completing one of our courses, booking a case review, or ordering supply.

We will be adding new rewards and actions to our Ambassador Program as we continue to grow our awareness efforts.

We want our members to feel rewarded for their support as we continue to look for new ways to improve the lives of those impacted by parental alienation.

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Each PAPA Plus membership makes a huge difference to the cause as it really helps us to improve our services and our awareness campaigns.

Proceeds from memberships and supply allow us to push the cause much further towards raising awareness and improving our services and resources so that we can continue to help more and more parents and children.

Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.