Are You Experiencing Anxious Attachment?

Parental alienation is a difficult issue that many families face, especially during divorce or separation.

It creates pain and confusion for both parents and children.

A key psychological idea to help navigate these issues is the concept of anxious attachment.

In this article, we will delve into what anxious attachment means, how it shows up in parental alienation cases, and its effects on both the alienated parent and the child.

Additionally, we will look at how anxious attachment connects to the PTSD that often occurs after alienated parents reunite with their children.

If you're an alienated parent and need help with your situation then you should join PAPA today.

At PAPA we have several free to use support spaces, as well as several additional resources available to our Plus members, such as courses, PAPA AI, 1-2-1 help and workshops on family law and mental health.

What is Anxious Attachment?

Anxious attachment is one of the four main attachment styles often discussed in psychology.

This idea was first introduced by John Bowlby and further developed by Mary Ainsworth.

Individuals with this attachment style usually have a fear of abandonment and are very sensitive to the emotional signals of others.

For example, children raised by caregivers who are inconsistent in their nurturing can develop anxious attachment.

A 2018 study found that about 20% of children show signs of this attachment style, which leads them to be overly watchful of their caregivers' moods.

They may constantly wonder if their needs will be met, and as adults, they often face relationship problems—feeling insecure and overly dependent on their partners.

The Dynamics of Parental Alienation

Parental alienation happens when one parent intentionally undermines the child’s bond with the other parent.

This can include tactics like cancelling visits, making negative remarks about the other parent, or deliberately making contact difficult.

In fact, research shows that around 11% of parents have reported experiencing some form of alienation from their children.

Children in these situations can feel confused and emotionally torn.

They might feel loyal to the alienating parent while also wanting a relationship with the other parent.

This conflict can worsen feelings of anxiety, especially in children who already have an anxious attachment style.

Anxious Attachment and Parental Alienation

When an alienating parent restricts contact or frequently changes plans, it can weigh heavily on the child’s emotional well-being.

For children with an anxious attachment style, these actions can ignite strong feelings of danger and insecurity.

They might focus intensely on the emotional state of the alienating parent, fearing that any mistake on their part could lead to rejection.

The alienated parent also suffers from the impacts of anxious attachment.

They can feel helpless and anxious about reconnecting with their child, particularly if they have been separated for a long time.

This cycle of anxiety causes distress for both the child and the parent as they try to navigate the challenges of their relationship.

The Impact of PTSD on Alienated Parents

For many alienated parents, being cut off from their children can lead to symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Common symptoms include intrusive thoughts, emotional numbness, and heightened levels of anxiety.

The trauma linked to losing contact with a child can lead to deep feelings of despair.

When these parents finally reconnect with their children, they often wrestle with mixed emotions.

The joy of reunion can be accompanied by anxiety about whether the relationship will remain intact.

Many alienated parents fret that they may lose their child again or that the alienating parent might harm their bond.

The Cycle of Anxiety in Reunified Families

The relationship between anxious attachment and PTSD creates a challenging environment in reunified families.

An alienated parent might approach the reunion burdened with anxiety, fearing their child will reject them or that the alienating parent will resist their bond.

This sense of anxiety can profoundly affect the child's behaviour and emotional state.

Children, especially those with anxious attachment, often sense their parent's anxiety.

This can create uncertainty about how to interact with both parents, leading to more emotional distress.

This cycle of anxiety reinforces feelings of insecurity and fear, complicating the family's efforts to create a stable and healthy environment.

Strategies for Healing and Rebuilding Relationships

Recognising the impact of anxious attachment and PTSD is vital for healing and rebuilding relationships in reunited families.

Here are some practical strategies that can help:

Open Communication

Promoting open and transparent communication between parents and children is key.

This approach can help ease feelings of anxiety and uncertainty.

Parents should cultivate a safe space for their children to share their feelings without fear of repercussions.

Professional Support

Enlisting the help of a therapist or counsellor experienced in family dynamics can be beneficial.

Expert support can equip families with tools to address their emotions and strengthen their relationships.

Consistency and Stability

Setting up consistent routines and boundaries fosters a sense of stability for everyone involved.

For children with an anxious attachment style, a predictable environment can provide much-needed reassurance.

For instance, a regular weekly family dinner can help establish a routine that the child can rely on.

Focus on the Child's Needs

Prioritising the emotional needs of the child during the reunification process is crucial.

Parents might need to set aside personal conflicts and consistently focus on what is best for their child.

By showing a commitment to the child's well-being, parents can reduce feelings of anxiety and insecurity.

Gradual Rebuilding of Trust

Rebuilding trust takes time, especially in cases of parental alienation.

Parents must be gentle and understanding as they work to reconnect with their child.

Small, positive interactions can gradually strengthen the bond.

Moving Forward

Anxious attachment is central to understanding the challenges of parental alienation, affecting both children and parents.

By recognising how anxious attachment and PTSD interact, families can take meaningful steps toward healing and reconnecting.

Open communication, seeking professional help, and focusing on the child's emotional needs are essential for restoring relationships in reunited families.

Creating a stable and secure environment is vital for easing anxiety and promoting healthy family connections.

In need of help or support?

If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.

This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.

We also have our Facebook support group that you can join here.

Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.

If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.

We are currently prioritising PAPA Plus members due to high demand.

Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.

Become a PAPA Ambassador

If you like our resources, articles and support networks and agree with what we stand for then why not get involved and help us push PAPA further by joining our Ambassador Program?

We would love for you to join us and help spread awareness for parental alienation and all of the dynamics involved so that we can continue to help parents and children towards a better future.

Our Ambassador Program allows you to grow your involvement with the cause by earning points on your membership.

To earn points we have created rewards for actions such as completing one of our courses, booking a case review, or ordering supply.

We will be adding new rewards and actions to our Ambassador Program as we continue to grow our awareness efforts.

We want our members to feel rewarded for their support as we continue to look for new ways to improve the lives of those impacted by parental alienation.

You can also become a PAPA Plus member, which will give you exclusive access to even more help and resources.

Each PAPA Plus membership makes a huge difference to the cause as it really helps us to improve our services and our awareness campaigns.

Proceeds from memberships and supply allow us to push the cause much further towards raising awareness and improving our services and resources so that we can continue to help more and more parents and children.

Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.