Is Collusive Bargaining Playing a Role?

Parental alienation is not just a legal matter; it involves deep emotional struggles that affect families, especially children.

In many cases, children find themselves trapped in a tug-of-war between their parents.

One critical but often overlooked aspect of this situation is collusive bargaining.

This article will discuss what collusive bargaining is, how it appears in parental alienation cases, and the lasting effects it can have on children.

If you're an alienated parent and need help with your situation then you should join PAPA today.

At PAPA we have several free to use support spaces, as well as several additional resources available to our Plus members, such as courses, PAPA AI, 1-2-1 help and workshops on family law and mental health.

What is Collusive Bargaining?

Collusive bargaining occurs when two or more parties secretly agree to manipulate or influence a third party for their benefit, often at the expense of that third party.

In parental alienation, this manipulation frequently happens when one parent tries to damage the relationship between the child and the other parent.

For instance, one parent may seek to gain control over custody arrangements by using deceit and emotional tactics.

These manipulations can take many forms, including:

• Emotional manipulation

• Spreading misinformation

• Use of coercion

  
  

Such tactics are designed not just to gain a short-term advantage but to exert control over the child’s emotional health.

How Collusive Bargaining Presents in Parental Alienation Cases

Recognising how collusive bargaining manifests is key in addressing parental alienation.

Here are some common methods:

Emotional Manipulation

A prevalent form of collusive bargaining involves using emotions to control the child.

For instance, a parent might say, “If you really care about me, you won’t want to see your other parent.”

This statement puts the child in a painful position, forcing them to choose sides, a scenario that can cause long-term emotional harm.

Misinformation and Lies

Another common tactic is spreading lies or exaggerating the flaws of the other parent.

A parent might tell the child that their other parent is uncaring or neglectful, skewing the child's perception and causing feelings of resentment.

According to research, children exposed to such misinformation show a 35% increase in emotional distress and confusion about their familial relationships.

Coercion and Threats

In severe cases, collusive bargaining can escalate to threats.

For example, one parent might threaten to withdraw affection or basic necessities if the child wants to see the other parent.

Such tactics can lead to severe long-term effects, significantly impacting the child’s mental health.

Creating a False Narrative

Another tactic is creating a false narrative surrounding family dynamics.

One parent may portray the other as dangerous to justify their behaviours.

This narrative might be reinforced in conversations with friends or influenced by social media, resulting in the child being confused and misled.

The Impact of Collusive Bargaining on Children

Understanding how collusive bargaining affects children is critical for parents and caregivers.

The impact can be severe and long-lasting:

Emotional Distress

Children caught in collusive bargaining often face substantial emotional distress.

They may feel torn between parents, causing anxiety, depression, or guilt.

Statistics show that 60% of children in these situations report feeling overwhelmed by conflicting loyalties, which can stifle their emotional development.

Impaired Relationships

Children influenced by collusive bargaining may struggle to form healthy, trusting relationships.

Distrust learned at home can carry over into friendships and future romantic partnerships, fostering ongoing emotional challenges.

Identity Issues

Manipulation during sensitive developmental stages can lead children to question their sense of self.

They may feel compelled to adopt one parent's views over their own, impacting their ability to form their beliefs.

This struggle can create identity issues that persist into adulthood.

Behavioural Problems

The emotional confusion stemming from collusive bargaining can manifest in various behavioural issues.

Children may exhibit aggression, social withdrawal, or frequent stress-related activities (like nail-biting) as they absorb the turmoil around them.

Recognising Collusive Bargaining in Your Family

Identifying signs of collusive bargaining can help you take action.

Watch for these indicators:

Changes in the Child’s Behaviour

Sudden changes in your child's behaviour, such as hostility toward one parent or withdrawal from shared family activities, are warning signs.

Be attentive to shifts in attitude and emotional state.

Inconsistent Narratives

If your child’s stories about experiences with each parent don’t align, it may be a sign they are influenced by one parent’s perspective.

Discrepancies in their accounts are usually clear indicators that something isn’t right.

Expressions of Guilt or Fear

Children being manipulated may voice feelings of guilt or fear about spending time with one parent.

For instance, if your child says things like “I feel bad wanting to see Dad,” it may point to emotional manipulation.

Direct Statements of Loyalty

Statements indicating a need to choose sides, like “I can’t love both of you,” should never be ignored.

These declarations are clear red flags signalling collusive bargaining.

Addressing Collusive Bargaining

If you suspect collusive bargaining, taking proactive steps is important.

Here are some actions to consider:

Open Communication

Foster open communication with your child.

Create a judgement-free environment where they can share feelings without fear.

Assure them that they can love both parents and don't have to take sides.

Seek Professional Help

Engage a family therapist specialising in parental alienation.

A professional can facilitate constructive conversations and provide strategies to mend relationships.

Document Everything

Maintain records of concerning behaviours, conversations, and incidents involving your child or the other parent.

Documentation can be valuable if legal action becomes necessary or if you need to clarify the situation.

Educate Yourself

Become informed about parental alienation and collusive bargaining.

Knowledge of these dynamics prepares you to take effective action and advocate for your child's best interests.

At PAPA we have hundreds of informative articles here on our website.

Moving Forward

Collusive bargaining can significantly impact parental alienation cases, causing emotional and developmental damage to children.

By recognising the signs and taking action, you can help mitigate these effects and support healthier family dynamics.

Always prioritise the well-being of your child.

Addressing collusive bargaining and its complications is essential for fostering a loving, nurturing environment.

Ultimately, your efforts can help ensure that your children grow up free from the pressures of manipulation and emotional distress.

In need of help or support?

If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.

This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.

We also have our Facebook support group that you can join here.

Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.

If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.

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Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.

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Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.