What To Do When Your Ex Refuses To Share Your Childs Medical Information.
- PAPA
- 5 days ago
- 9 min read
When parents separate, a child’s health needs to stay out of the conflict.
Appointments, diagnoses, medication, test results and treatment plans should not become things one parent controls and the other has to chase.
If your ex is refusing to share health information about your child, the situation can feel frightening as well as unfair. It may leave you unsure what has happened, whether treatment has changed, or how to support your child properly between households.
The right response depends on the facts, but the starting point in England and Wales is usually the same: do you have parental responsibility?
This article is a practical guide to protecting your involvement in your child’s healthcare when the other parent refuses to share important medical information.
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Start by checking whether you have parental responsibility.
Parental responsibility means the legal rights, duties and responsibilities a parent has in relation to a child. In practical terms, it gives a parent a role in important decisions about the child’s welfare, including health, education and religion.
In England and Wales, a child’s birth mother automatically has parental responsibility. A father may have it in several ways, including if he was married to the mother at the time of the child’s birth, if he is named on the birth certificate for births registered in England and Wales from 1 December 2003, by agreement, or by court order. Some other people, such as adoptive parents, guardians or those named in certain child arrangements orders, may also have parental responsibility.
If you are unsure whether you have it, check before taking further steps. A solicitor can help confirm your position, especially if the family history is complicated.
If you do have parental responsibility, you are generally entitled to be involved in major decisions about your child’s health and welfare. That does not always mean the other parent has to personally repeat every minor detail to you. It also does not mean you can override confidentiality rules. But it does mean you should not usually be shut out of important information that affects your child’s wellbeing.
There are limits. As children get older, their views and privacy matter more. A healthcare professional may decide that an older child has enough understanding to make certain decisions or to expect confidentiality in some areas. The child’s welfare remains central.
Still, in many everyday situations, a parent with parental responsibility can ask the GP, hospital, dentist, optician or other provider for relevant information directly.
Contact the healthcare provider directly for medical information.
Do not rely entirely on the other parent if information keeps being missed or withheld. Go to the source.
Start with the provider involved. That may be:
The GP surgery
A hospital department
A dentist
An orthodontist
A mental health service
A paediatric clinic
A pharmacy, if medication has been prescribed
A school nurse or community health team, where relevant
Contact them calmly and explain that you are the child’s parent and that you have parental responsibility. Ask what evidence they need. This may include a copy of the child’s birth certificate, a parental responsibility agreement, a court order, or proof of identity.
You can ask to be:
Added to appointment notifications where appropriate
Given access to relevant records, subject to the provider’s rules
Sent copies of letters about referrals, treatment or follow-up
Told how to update your contact details on the child’s record
Informed about how the practice handles separated parents
Use clear wording. For example:
I have parental responsibility for my child and I would like to make sure I receive appropriate information about their appointments and treatment. Please let me know what evidence you need from me and whether I can be added to correspondence.
Keep it practical. Healthcare staff are there to treat your child, not to resolve conflict between parents. A calm request is more likely to get a useful response than a long complaint about your ex.
Put your requests to the other parent in writing.
Even if you contact providers directly, it is still sensible to ask the other parent for information. The way you ask matters.
If a message sounds angry, accusatory or threatening, the other parent may focus on the tone instead of the child’s needs. Keep your communication short, specific and child-focused.
A useful message might say:
Please can you send me the details of the appointment on Tuesday, including who the appointment is with, what it is for, and whether any medication or follow-up has been recommended. I need this so I can support [child’s name] properly when they are with me.
This kind of message does three things:
It identifies exactly what information is needed
It explains why the information matters
It avoids turning the request into a personal attack
If medication is involved, ask for the exact details. That may include the name of the medicine, dosage, timing, side effects to watch for, and who prescribed it. Do not guess. Medication errors can happen when parents are not given clear instructions.
If treatment has changed, ask for the date of the change and any written guidance. For example, if your child has asthma, allergies, diabetes, epilepsy or a mental health support plan, both homes may need the same instructions.
Keep copies of messages. Save unanswered requests, refusals, and any replies that show important information was withheld. This is especially useful if the problem becomes part of a wider parenting dispute.
Try to keep your records organised by date. A simple timeline can be more helpful than hundreds of screenshots with no order. Note:
What information you requested
When you requested it
How the other parent responded
Whether you contacted the provider directly
Whether your child missed care, medication or support because of the lack of information
The goal is not to build a file for revenge. The goal is to show, if needed, that you acted reasonably and kept the focus on your child.
Know when poor communication has become a pattern.
A single missed update may be poor communication. Parents are often under pressure, appointments can be changed quickly, and messages sometimes get lost.
A pattern is different.
Repeatedly withholding important health information can become serious, especially if it stops you from:
Attending or knowing about key appointments
Understanding a diagnosis
Giving medication safely
Following treatment advice
Supporting emotional or behavioural needs
Taking part in decisions about surgery, therapy or long-term care
The concern is greater when one parent appears to be using information as a way to control the other parent’s relationship with the child. That may sit alongside wider problems, such as blocked contact, hostile messages, or the child being drawn into adult conflict. In some cases, people describe this within broader concerns about parental alienation, family court disputes and patterns of exclusion, although every case turns on its own facts.
Be careful with labels. Courts look closely at evidence and the child’s welfare, not just the words used by either parent. A calm timeline of what happened will usually carry more weight than a dramatic description.
If family court proceedings are already under way, raise the issue through the proper route. Your solicitor can advise whether it belongs in a statement, position statement, Scott Schedule, Cafcass discussion, or at a hearing. Do not bombard the court with informal messages. Use the process already in place.
Take urgent issues seriously and use the right legal route.
Some health issues cannot wait for better communication.
If your child faces an immediate risk, seek urgent medical help first. That may mean calling 999, attending A&E, contacting NHS 111, or speaking to the child’s GP, depending on the situation. The child’s safety comes before arguments about who should have said what.
For major non-emergency decisions, the legal route may matter. Parents with parental responsibility are usually expected to consult each other about significant issues affecting a child. That can include operations, major treatment plans, some medication decisions, private therapy, changes to mental health support, or decisions involving risk.
If parents cannot agree, the family court may be asked to decide a specific question. Two common types of order can be relevant.
Specific Issue Order
Prohibited Steps Order
This asks the court to decide a particular issue, such as whether a child should have a certain treatment or whether information should be shared in a certain way.
This asks the court to stop a parent taking a particular step without agreement or further court order, such as arranging a major intervention against the other parent’s objection.
These applications are fact-specific. The court’s main concern is the child’s welfare. It will look at the nature of the treatment, the views of healthcare professionals, the child’s age and understanding, the parents’ positions, and any risk caused by delay.
Legal advice is especially important if:
The decision is urgent
The treatment is serious or invasive
One parent has acted without telling the other
The child has complex needs
There are safeguarding concerns
Existing court orders are already in place
The dispute is affecting contact arrangements
Do not ignore a serious decision because you hope the other parent will become more open. At the same time, do not rush to court over every missed text. The response should fit the seriousness of the issue.
Keep the focus on your child’s welfare
It is easy for this kind of dispute to become personal. A parent who feels excluded may feel angry, frightened or humiliated. A parent who controls the information may claim they are just trying to avoid conflict. Both positions can pull attention away from the child.
The question to keep asking is simple: what does my child need me to know so I can keep them safe, healthy and supported?
That question helps separate essential information from adult argument.
Essential information may include:
Diagnoses
Medication instructions
Allergies
Hospital admissions
Referrals
Test results that require action
Treatment plans
Mental health support arrangements
Safety plans
Follow-up appointments
Less essential information may include every minor conversation with reception staff or every routine update where no action is needed. A workable approach does not require parents to share every tiny detail. It does require them to share information that affects the child’s care.
Where possible, suggest a practical system. For example, parents might agree to use a shared calendar for appointments, send photos of appointment letters, or keep medication instructions in both homes. If communication is strained, a parenting app or email-only arrangement may reduce conflict.
If direct communication is unsafe or constantly hostile, ask for advice before changing arrangements. In some cases, communication may need to go through solicitors, a parenting app, or another agreed method.
Medical information is not a prize, a punishment or a bargaining tool. It is information parents may need to care for their child properly.
When one parent refuses to share it, start with parental responsibility, contact providers directly, keep written records, and respond in proportion to the seriousness of the issue. If major decisions are being made without you, get legal advice early.
Whatever has happened between the adults, a child’s health should never become another battlefield.
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