What Type of Alienator Are You Dealing With?

Parental alienation is a heart-breaking issue impacting families across the world.

It occurs when one parent tries to damage the child's relationship with the other parent, often during a divorce or separation.

Recognising the different types of alienators can help families intervene effectively and provide the necessary support.

In this article, we'll explore the three types of alienators: naïve, active, and obsessive.

If you're an alienated parent and need help with your situation then you should join PAPA today.

At PAPA we have several free to use support spaces, as well as several additional resources available to our Plus members, such as courses, PAPA AI, 1-2-1 help and workshops on family law and mental health.

The Naïve Alienator

The naïve alienator often does not intend to harm the relationship between the child and the other parent.

Instead, they may be unaware of how their comments and actions affect the child.

They may express frustration about the other parent in ways that unintentionally hurt the child's feelings.

Characteristics of Naïve Alienators

Naïve alienators perceive their actions as harmless.

They might think their negative comments are simply expressing their feelings rather than recognising the potential damage.

For instance, they may say, "Your dad has never been there for you," believing they are sharing their honest view.

This type of remark can lead children to feel conflicted and uneasy.

A study from the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry states that children exposed to parental conflict are 60% more likely to exhibit emotional problems.

Understanding the impact of seemingly innocent comments can help naïve alienators become more mindful of their words.

Impact on the Child

The fallout from naïve alienation can be profound, even if it seems subtle at first.

Children may start to adopt the alienating parent's point of view, leading to emotional distress and confusion.

They might feel torn between their love for both parents, often experiencing guilt or divided loyalties.

To help naïve alienators, open dialogue is important.

Education on how comments influence their child's feelings can prompt positive change.

For instance, talking through specific examples of harmful language can be eye-opening for many parents.

The Active Alienator

Active alienators take a more intentional approach to undermine the child's relationship with the other parent.

They consciously criticise and belittle the "bad" parent, often asserting that they are protecting the child from harm.

Characteristics of Active Alienators

Unlike naïve alienators, active alienators understand that their actions can be detrimental.

They may rationalise their behaviour as a way to shield the child.

For example, they might say, "Your mum is selfish; she puts herself first," while actively limiting the child's time with the other parent.

According to research, about 12% of children in high-conflict divorce situations experience significant alienation.

This group often needs targeted interventions, such as counselling or mediation, to address the issues.

Impact on the Child

The effects of active alienation tend to be more severe.

Children are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation.

They may develop a skewed perception of the "bad" parent, leading to a frayed relationship that can be hard to mend.

Encouraging active alienators to participate in family therapy can shed light on the long-term consequences of their actions.

Workshops that focus on promoting healthy communication and co-parenting strategies can help prevent further alienation.

The Obsessive Alienator

Obsessive alienators represent the most extreme form of parental alienation.

This type of alienator relentlessly seeks to damage the child's bond with the "bad" parent.

They often believe they are justified in their harmful actions.

Characteristics of Obsessive Alienators

Obsessive alienators engage in a range of damaging behaviours, including manipulation and emotional abuse.

They may even create fictional tales about the other parent's behaviour or orchestrate events that make communication difficult.

For instance, an obsessive alienator could tell the child, "Don’t tell your dad about our plans this weekend," to eliminate the chance of contact.

Research shows that over 5% of divorcing families struggle with severe alienation, highlighting the urgent need for intervention.

Impact on the Child

The consequences of obsessive alienation can be devastating.

Children may face serious emotional and psychological issues, including low self-worth and difficulty forming healthy relationships as adults.

Long-term, these children may carry the scars of alienation into their future, impacting their ability to trust.

Addressing this type of alienation often requires professional help for both the child and the alienating parent.

Providing a recognised space for expressing feelings can enable the child to process their experiences, while therapy can help the alienating parent change harmful patterns.

Recognising the Signs of Parental Alienation

Recognising parental alienation signs is crucial for timely intervention.

Some common indicators include:

• Behaviour Changes: The child may distance themselves from the "bad" parent or show increased anger towards them.

• Negative Commentary: Children often repeat negative comments about the "bad" parent that they hear from the alienating parent.

• Avoidance of Visits: The child may refuse to visit the "bad" parent. Their reasons often mirror the alienating parent’s beliefs.

• Emotional Distress: Signs of anxiety, sadness, or anger linked to the "bad" parent may indicate alienation effects.

  
  

Noticing these signs early can help families take action before the situation gets worse.

Strategies for Intervention

Effectively addressing parental alienation requires care and thoughtfulness.

Here are helpful strategies for intervention:

Open Communication

Fostering open dialogue between parents can reduce misunderstandings.

Scheduling time to discuss the child's needs can help both parents understand each other better.

Professional Support

Enlisting professional help, like counselling, can provide necessary support for both the child and parents.

A neutral mediator can facilitate constructive conversations and help resolve conflicts.

Focus on Education and Awareness

Educating parents about the effects of parental alienation can bring about change.

By understanding the long-term implications of their actions, alienating parents may be motivated to change their behaviour.

Prioritising the Child’s Best Interests

The child's welfare must always come first.

Supporting a healthy relationship with both parents allows children to feel secure.

This balance is essential for their emotional well-being.

Moving Forward

Parental alienation is a complex issue that can leave deep scars.

Understanding the three types of alienators—naïve, active, and obsessive—enables caregivers to recognise harmful behaviours and address them effectively.

By committing to open communication, seeking professional help, and focusing on the child's best interests, parents can work towards healthier relationships.

Early recognition of parental alienation signs can lead to significant positive changes in children's lives.

Approaching this sensitive issue with empathy and understanding is vital to prioritising children's emotional needs.

In need of help or support?

If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.

This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.

We also have our Facebook support group that you can join here.

Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.

If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.

We are currently prioritising PAPA Plus members due to high demand.

Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.

Become a PAPA Ambassador

If you like our resources, articles and support networks and agree with what we stand for then why not get involved and help us push PAPA further by joining our Ambassador Program?

We would love for you to join us and help spread awareness for parental alienation and all of the dynamics involved so that we can continue to help parents and children towards a better future.

Our Ambassador Program allows you to grow your involvement with the cause by earning points on your membership.

To earn points we have created rewards for actions such as completing one of our courses, booking a case review, or ordering supply.

We will be adding new rewards and actions to our Ambassador Program as we continue to grow our awareness efforts.

We want our members to feel rewarded for their support as we continue to look for new ways to improve the lives of those impacted by parental alienation.

You can also become a PAPA Plus member, which will give you exclusive access to even more help and resources.

Each PAPA Plus membership makes a huge difference to the cause as it really helps us to improve our services and our awareness campaigns.

Proceeds from memberships and supply allow us to push the cause much further towards raising awareness and improving our services and resources so that we can continue to help more and more parents and children.

Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.