Text Messages, Games and Guilt Trips: 15 Manipulation Tactics Being Used to Alienate Parents.
- PAPA
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
Parental alienation is a growing concern that often hides in plain sight.
It is a subtle form of emotional manipulation where one parent damages the relationship between a child and the other parent.
This manipulation can be especially harmful when it happens through everyday communication, including digital messaging.
These seemingly innocent interactions can become tools to control, confuse, and alienate children from the targeted parent.
Understanding how this manipulation works and recognising the tactics used can help parents protect their relationships with their children and support their emotional well-being.
This article explores 15 of the most common manipulation tactics used by alienating parents to fracture the bond between their child and the other parent, and what can be done about it.
If you're an alienated parent and need help with your situation then you should join PAPA today.
At PAPA we have several free to use support spaces, as well as several additional resources available to our Plus members, such as courses, PAPA AI, 1-2-1 help and workshops on family law and mental health.
Why Manipulation Works: The Psychology Behind Alienation
Children naturally seek safety, love, and approval from their caregivers.
When one parent repeatedly shares negative or distorted views about the other parent, children may begin to believe these narratives.
This happens because children want to feel secure and accepted, so they often align with the parent who provides the most consistent emotional support, even if that support comes with manipulation.
Alienating tactics are often subtle and repetitive, making them hard to detect.
They may start with small comments or actions that seem harmless but gradually build a damaging story.
By the time the relationship is visibly strained, the child may already be deeply conflicted and confused about their feelings toward the alienated parent.
The 15 Most Common Manipulation Tactics
Here are common tactics that alienating parents use, often without obvious signs:
Guilt-laced text messages
Messages like “If they loved you, they’d be here” make the child feel responsible for the other parent’s absence.
Withholding communication to punish or control
Ignoring calls or messages from the child or the other parent to create distance.
Monitoring and filtering the child’s messages
Reading or controlling the child’s texts to rewrite or block communication.
Emotional bribery
Offering rewards or affection only if the child chooses loyalty to one parent.
Exaggerating minor conflicts
Making small disagreements seem dangerous or threatening to the child.
Creating false memories or distorting past events
Telling the child stories that change or erase positive experiences with the other parent.
Scheduling “accidental” conflicts
Planning visits or events that clash with the other parent’s time to cause missed opportunities.
Turning normal parenting decisions into character attacks
Criticising everyday choices to make the other parent seem irresponsible or uncaring.
Pretending to be the victim
Acting hurt or wronged to gain the child’s sympathy and loyalty.
10. Sharing adult problems with the child
Discussing financial, legal, or relationship issues to make the child feel burdened or responsible.
11. Encouraging secrecy
Asking the child to keep information hidden to build an exclusive alliance.
12. Rewarding rejection of the other parent
Praising or giving special treatment when the child refuses contact or expresses dislike.
13. Implying abandonment despite evidence
Suggesting the other parent does not care or has left, even when they are involved.
14. Misusing school or medical information
Excluding the other parent from important updates or decisions.
15. Using third parties to reinforce negative messages
Involving relatives, coaches, or friends to spread or support the alienating narrative.
The Impact on Children
Children caught in these tactics often experience deep confusion and emotional pain.
They may feel torn between loyalty to both parents, leading to anxiety and guilt.
This internal conflict can mimic trauma responses, causing long-term effects such as difficulty trusting others, low self-esteem, and challenges in forming healthy relationships.
The emotional harm is not always visible.
Children may withdraw, act out, or struggle academically without clear reasons.
Recognising these signs early can help parents and caregivers intervene before the damage becomes permanent.
What Targeted Parents Can Do Today
Parents facing alienation can take practical steps to protect their relationship with their child:
Document patterns
Keep records of messages, missed visits, and any suspicious behavior that shows manipulation.
Avoid reacting emotionally
Respond calmly and consistently to attempts at provocation or control.
Seek therapeutic support
Professional counselling can help both the parent and child navigate the emotional challenges.
Prioritise calm communication
Maintain open, honest, and age-appropriate conversations with the child.
Use legal guidance when necessary
Understanding your rights by joining PAPA, and speaking with a PAPA representative can help in cases where alienation affects 'custody' or visitation.
These actions build a foundation of trust and stability, helping the child feel safe despite the manipulation.
Shining Light on Covert Manipulation
Recognising the hidden tactics of parental manipulation is the first step toward protecting children and preserving parent-child bonds.
Awareness allows parents to respond thoughtfully and seek support before alienation causes lasting harm.
By staying informed and proactive, parents can help their children maintain healthy relationships and emotional well-being despite difficult circumstances.
In need of help or support?
If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.
This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.
We also have our Facebook support group that you can join here.
Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.
If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.
We are currently prioritising PAPA Plus members due to high demand.
Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.
Become a PAPA Ambassador
If you like our resources, articles and support networks and agree with what we stand for then why not get involved and help us push PAPA further by joining our Ambassador Program?
We would love for you to join us and help spread awareness for parental alienation and all of the dynamics involved so that we can continue to help parents and children towards a better future.
Our Ambassador Program allows you to grow your involvement with the cause by earning points on your membership.
To earn points we have created rewards for actions such as completing one of our courses, booking a case review, or ordering supply.
We will be adding new rewards and actions to our Ambassador Program as we continue to grow our awareness efforts.
We want our members to feel rewarded for their support as we continue to look for new ways to improve the lives of those impacted by parental alienation.
You can also become a PAPA Plus member, which will give you exclusive access to even more help and resources.
Each PAPA Plus membership makes a huge difference to the cause as it really helps us to improve our services and our awareness campaigns.
Proceeds from memberships and supply allow us to push the cause much further towards raising awareness and improving our services and resources so that we can continue to help more and more parents and children.
Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.
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